Tomorrow, Tomorrow

This is it. It's my last Sunday night without dreading Monday. I go back to work. It's not that I don't like work; I do. I just also like not feeling the black cloud that looms over Sundays.

When I'm working, Friday feels like a gift. Like all week long, I look forward to the unwrapping of Friday night.

Saturday is relaxing. It's a day where I can wake up late ("late" being a relative term since having children). We can get coffee, take a stroll, go the park, nap with the kids. Whatever. Saturday is the shit.

Then Sunday comes. All day Sunday when/if I'm having fun the thought creeps in, "Aw, crap. Tomorrow is Monday.

On top of that, I've got to drop my baby girl off at day care. I've got to say goodbye to her for 8+ hours.

When I'm not working, Sunday is just the day where I'm like, "SUCKSAAAS!"


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Trial Run

I took this little snuggle bunny to daycare with O today. Susan will be gone next week and she wanted to spend a day with C to know what to tell the substitute.

It was so hard to walk away. She's just so little. O got a whole extra month with dad. It's just not fair. Well, I guess she's learning early.

She smiled and cooed at Susan. She didn't cry.

I never knew how I could love two children at once. I'm thankful love is not finite.

T Minus Seven Days

Seven days. That's all the time left I get to spend with this little girl in the mornings, afternoons, and evenings. She has changed my life. She has been my world for three months now.

She has changed so much in such a short time. She's a chubby bunny. She's a smiling giggler. She's a stubborn napper.

I won't lie. I'm a little ready to go back to work. I'm ready to talk to adults and use words that are three syllables or larger. I was talking to Z the other day and I couldn't form words.  I said, "I'm not trying to sound...what's the word?...'down-talking.'"

"Condescending?" Z asked.

"Oh, yeah, that's it."

Will I be able to manage adults anymore? Will I have to use words like "down-talking?" Here at home, I just have to calm her down, feed her, clean her. It's easy. In seven days, I'll have to calm people, feed the egos, and clean up messes. I guess it's not that different in some ways; I respect my co-workers, but there is always a lot of politics.

I am scared of going back to work. I don't know that I'll be able to remember all the things I need to remember.

But most of all, I'm going to miss that face. I'm going to miss lying in bed in the morning and kissing her face while she sleeps. The mornings will be a whirlwind of this and that. Years from now if she reads this, I just want her to know I love her and these past few months have been a wonderful experience for me to enjoy having a baby. The first time was just too stressful for me to enjoy. Thank you, C, for giving me a chance to really enjoy being the mom of a baby.

Chapter 1

Well, we're now a family of four. We can shop at Costco with our heads held high. If I win a "Family Pack of 4" anything off the radio, I can actually use it on my family. When it's buy one, get one free anywhere, Z and I will each have someone to share it with.



Sometimes I look back--not so much to reminisce--to see what's made me who I am today. I look through old emails and photos to remind myself that life could have been very different. I take minutes while driving to put myself in past situations and try to remember the smell and feel of a certain day or event. I don't want to lose my memories because I am who I am because of them.



C entered our lives on at the end of 2014. She is beautiful. Wonderful. Perfect. Our whole family has been sick so she has been quarantined with Gram-E. I miss my little girl so much. I want to just be able to hold her and not worry about the germs I could be breathing on her. She hasn't seen my face in almost two weeks as I have worn a face mask--Asian-style--whenever I'm around her.



O has reached full toddlerhood and is testing his limits and my patience. Last night he yelled and screamed for about 8 minutes (I would rather have ridden a bucking bull for 8 seconds!) about who knows what. He's licking everything from the doctor's room chair to the bottom of my shoe. I'm pretty sure he's going to remain Patient Zero for all of our household illness over the next several months.



In Chapter 1, I wanted to write about fully being a family of four. But I can't. We've been separated and sick for so long that I don't know what that looks like or feels like.



So in this alternate Chapter 1, I just want to say that I love my family very much. It's these challenges I could do without for now. 

My, How Quickly Time Passes

And so it goes. Life, that is. It just keeps moving and trucking along even when we don't realize that all things are changing around us (us included).

It has been a full five years since I first stepped foot on San Diego soil on May 8, 2009. My days of drinking and eating have been replaced by diapers and giggles. Instead of learning more about the city I live in, I've learned more about myself.

I've decided to continue, but the focus, of course, will change. So here is my first post in years. Welcome to the new chapter.

Sunset Cliffs

One good reason to love where I live is Sunset Cliffs.  I can ride my bike there, but most of the time I drive just so I can spend more time at the Cliffs themselves. 

Besides just walking along the Cliffs which are beautiful enough, there is an actual park where the only thing keeping you from plunging into the ocean is your sheer will not to look over the edge.  This is a beautiful dead tree standing on the very tip of the cliff.  It was smooth to the touch and soft on the eyes.  I wanted to stand on it during this beautiful sunset.

Public Transportation

Since February, I've been riding the trolley to work and the bus back home.  It's the first time I've been a true commuter.  Besides the first day when I saw a man drink a Diet Coke with a straw and then take that straw to clean his ears, things have been pretty low-key.  Despite the 30 minute waiting time for the bus, it truly hasn't been that bad.  Way to go, San Diego!