Tomorrow, Tomorrow

This is it. It's my last Sunday night without dreading Monday. I go back to work. It's not that I don't like work; I do. I just also like not feeling the black cloud that looms over Sundays.

When I'm working, Friday feels like a gift. Like all week long, I look forward to the unwrapping of Friday night.

Saturday is relaxing. It's a day where I can wake up late ("late" being a relative term since having children). We can get coffee, take a stroll, go the park, nap with the kids. Whatever. Saturday is the shit.

Then Sunday comes. All day Sunday when/if I'm having fun the thought creeps in, "Aw, crap. Tomorrow is Monday.

On top of that, I've got to drop my baby girl off at day care. I've got to say goodbye to her for 8+ hours.

When I'm not working, Sunday is just the day where I'm like, "SUCKSAAAS!"


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Trial Run

I took this little snuggle bunny to daycare with O today. Susan will be gone next week and she wanted to spend a day with C to know what to tell the substitute.

It was so hard to walk away. She's just so little. O got a whole extra month with dad. It's just not fair. Well, I guess she's learning early.

She smiled and cooed at Susan. She didn't cry.

I never knew how I could love two children at once. I'm thankful love is not finite.

T Minus Seven Days

Seven days. That's all the time left I get to spend with this little girl in the mornings, afternoons, and evenings. She has changed my life. She has been my world for three months now.

She has changed so much in such a short time. She's a chubby bunny. She's a smiling giggler. She's a stubborn napper.

I won't lie. I'm a little ready to go back to work. I'm ready to talk to adults and use words that are three syllables or larger. I was talking to Z the other day and I couldn't form words.  I said, "I'm not trying to sound...what's the word?...'down-talking.'"

"Condescending?" Z asked.

"Oh, yeah, that's it."

Will I be able to manage adults anymore? Will I have to use words like "down-talking?" Here at home, I just have to calm her down, feed her, clean her. It's easy. In seven days, I'll have to calm people, feed the egos, and clean up messes. I guess it's not that different in some ways; I respect my co-workers, but there is always a lot of politics.

I am scared of going back to work. I don't know that I'll be able to remember all the things I need to remember.

But most of all, I'm going to miss that face. I'm going to miss lying in bed in the morning and kissing her face while she sleeps. The mornings will be a whirlwind of this and that. Years from now if she reads this, I just want her to know I love her and these past few months have been a wonderful experience for me to enjoy having a baby. The first time was just too stressful for me to enjoy. Thank you, C, for giving me a chance to really enjoy being the mom of a baby.

Chapter 1

Well, we're now a family of four. We can shop at Costco with our heads held high. If I win a "Family Pack of 4" anything off the radio, I can actually use it on my family. When it's buy one, get one free anywhere, Z and I will each have someone to share it with.



Sometimes I look back--not so much to reminisce--to see what's made me who I am today. I look through old emails and photos to remind myself that life could have been very different. I take minutes while driving to put myself in past situations and try to remember the smell and feel of a certain day or event. I don't want to lose my memories because I am who I am because of them.



C entered our lives on at the end of 2014. She is beautiful. Wonderful. Perfect. Our whole family has been sick so she has been quarantined with Gram-E. I miss my little girl so much. I want to just be able to hold her and not worry about the germs I could be breathing on her. She hasn't seen my face in almost two weeks as I have worn a face mask--Asian-style--whenever I'm around her.



O has reached full toddlerhood and is testing his limits and my patience. Last night he yelled and screamed for about 8 minutes (I would rather have ridden a bucking bull for 8 seconds!) about who knows what. He's licking everything from the doctor's room chair to the bottom of my shoe. I'm pretty sure he's going to remain Patient Zero for all of our household illness over the next several months.



In Chapter 1, I wanted to write about fully being a family of four. But I can't. We've been separated and sick for so long that I don't know what that looks like or feels like.



So in this alternate Chapter 1, I just want to say that I love my family very much. It's these challenges I could do without for now. 

My, How Quickly Time Passes

And so it goes. Life, that is. It just keeps moving and trucking along even when we don't realize that all things are changing around us (us included).

It has been a full five years since I first stepped foot on San Diego soil on May 8, 2009. My days of drinking and eating have been replaced by diapers and giggles. Instead of learning more about the city I live in, I've learned more about myself.

I've decided to continue, but the focus, of course, will change. So here is my first post in years. Welcome to the new chapter.

Sunset Cliffs

One good reason to love where I live is Sunset Cliffs.  I can ride my bike there, but most of the time I drive just so I can spend more time at the Cliffs themselves. 

Besides just walking along the Cliffs which are beautiful enough, there is an actual park where the only thing keeping you from plunging into the ocean is your sheer will not to look over the edge.  This is a beautiful dead tree standing on the very tip of the cliff.  It was smooth to the touch and soft on the eyes.  I wanted to stand on it during this beautiful sunset.

Public Transportation

Since February, I've been riding the trolley to work and the bus back home.  It's the first time I've been a true commuter.  Besides the first day when I saw a man drink a Diet Coke with a straw and then take that straw to clean his ears, things have been pretty low-key.  Despite the 30 minute waiting time for the bus, it truly hasn't been that bad.  Way to go, San Diego!

How'd they do that??

Birdcrap Covered Rock, Sunset Cliffs

While out walking on Sunday, I passed by this rock.  I've seen this rock about about 50 times and always thought it would be so cool to sit out on that rock if I could clean off the bird crap that covers it.  Somehow, someone climbed out on this rock to put up this sign.  Hmmm...

Coming up on Two Years

It's days like these that remind me that I love being here: Sunshine, 73 degrees, not a cloud in the sky.

The other day, I was confronted by Z about me not wanting to live here.  How I have a strong aversion to not wanting to become a part (integral or not) of California.  Yes, I make fun of Californians a lot.  So do a lot of transplants I meet out here.  I've met some great people from CA; I've met some crappy people from CA, but isn't that true everywhere?

Yes, I miss The South. I miss my family.  I miss the Cracker Barrel.  I miss driving on the Interstate without the feeling of fighting for my life.

Yes, I don't want to raise my family here. I believe CA has a lot to offer a child in terms of things to do, diversity, and open-mindedness.  But I don't want to raise my child in an apartment. I want my child to have a yard, get grass stains and ride her bike safely on the street.  I want to call her in for dinner when the sun starts to set. I want her to know her neighbors and know her neighborhood. I don't want to pay $800K for a house.  I just don't.

But I love the healthy choices out here: the organic food, the farmers' markets, the art galleries (although not the best, still, at times, pretty cool), the beaches.  Maybe I'm just like my mother: she's never satisfied (a la Prince, not seriously like my mother).  I'm sure if I ever moved back to the South, I'd complain about the humidity, the air conditioning bill, and the lack of an ocean within 10 hours of my house.

40 Days and 40 Nights

I wanted to take a picture, but I was driving.

After what seemed like the length of Noah's experience, the rain has finally subsided.  The sidewalk is puddled, the ground is smushy, the trees are drippy.  The rain pours off of our rooftop because Southern Californians must not need gutters very often.  Before I could even get off of the porch to go to my car, my feet were wet as the rain ricocheted off the pavement.

As I drove home from work, the sun, for the first time in DAYS, almost blinded me. (Why would I take sunglasses on such a rainy day?)  And as I turned the corner, the most beautiful rainbow hung over Point Loma.

Thank you, Sun, for shining today.

Hanumas / Chrismukkah

Light the Tree!  Light the Menorah!  Let's celebrate!

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Our lovely home--full of cultural and religious understanding!!!

Christmas in San Diego

Rudolph had a mishap

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So on my way to sign up for the local Y, I passed upon this house.  It gave me an odd sense of nostalgia because I didn't think anyone in San Diego would have ever gone hunting, much less also taken a trip to their local taxidermist to have it mounted.  My sisters both have dead animals hanging on their walls (thanks to their partners...my sisters don't hunt).

This is my second holiday season in San Diego and I can't believe how quickly time has flown.  I still don't think I've FOUND San Diego, but I have learned to love my little niche of it.  Several things have happened to make me realize that I don't want to move out of here.

First, I've been thinking about going back to school for acupuncture and Oriental herbal medicine.  I know that in whatever I do, I want to help people, and lately, teaching has started to frustrate me.  It is at no fault of where I work or the people I work with or the students I teach--it's all about me.  Although there are plenty of people who can and do, I just can't imagine being 55 and teaching ESL anymore.  The generational gap and the cultural differences are somewhat overwhelming at times and I just don't know how to handle them.  

My students party at clubs, love club music, and adore getting drunk.  I, on the other hand, like staying home and watching movies and drinking a couple of beers or glasses of wine.  I see the undying hope of the future in my students eyes, and in my own I see the weight of the world.  I want to help make the world a better place, but I don't know if I have the energy to teach others to make it a better place.

So, the Oriental medicine school in San Diego will literally cost me an arm and leg because I would probably have a stroke from working so hard to pay off the loans.  There is a school the E's dad works at in Orange County which is half the price and totally do-able.  After deliberating with Z about our options (OC or LBC), we just couldn't imagine moving...but it wasn't out of the question--yet.


Then Z and I decided to go for dinner at The Pearl in Point Loma.  We were dressed very casually.  Yet we were treated as if we had just walked in begging for scraps.  They sat two stupid looking blondes in front of us (although they came about five minutes after us) because they lied and said they had four people (I always knew blondes couldn't count).  We walked out after the host would not apologize for their disorganization or their discrimination.


We came back to OB to go to The 3rd Corner.  We walked in (in the same clothes) and were treated like customers.  We had a great meal: I had the shortribs; Z had the NY Strip.  I also ordered the Chocolate Tart for dessert with coffee.  I couldn't say more about this place.  Not only because the food is delicious, but also because of their service to their customers.  I have been here on at least five occasions--dressed nicely, casually, and beachy--and each time, I have been treated the same way.


If I can't live in the South or on the East Coast, I want to live here.  I love you, Ocean Beach!

and bus

I'm so excited my eye is messed up!

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My First Trolley Ride!

So here is a picture from my first experience taking public transportation!!!

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Another beautiful sunset

One more reason to love San Diego.

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Test

rollin'

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I've Got Friends in Low Places (don't worry, I don't really like Garth Brooks)

As we get older, it definitely gets harder to make friends.  When we're young, we're thrown together in a big playpen called "school."  We're forced to share with others; we learn how to communicate; we loosen up at parties.  We work in restaurants and at the mall together.  We sit next to each other in classes.

While living in Korea, we gelled with each other because we were foreigners in a foreign land.  Our glue is the strangeness and our loneliness.  It took me a long time to remind myself not to make friends with people whom I wouldn't befriend in my home country.

And when I moved to San Diego, I was so worried that I wouldn't make any friends.  I know, I know...it does seem ridiculous.  But I didn't know how or what or where or when to do that.  I felt awkward.  Uncomfortable.  Afraid.

However, during the past few days, I've realized how lucky I am to have met the few people here that I have.  Of course, my old friends will always hold a special place in my heart, but it feels as though those doors in my heart have closed by Time and Distance (to whom I am shaking my fist).  It's the fault of no one, really.  Unless the blame is mine.

I had dinner with B tonight.  She complained about work and life.  Not COMPLAIN, just unloaded.  Then she started telling me that her friend's sister was schizophrenic.  Suddenly, she said, "I shouldn't complain about work.  Life could be worse."  Sure, I couldn't agree more.  But does that not mean that the problems in our lives are not at all important just because someone else has it worse?  Of course not.

Last night, V came over.  We ate kalbi with Z (who grilled it) and just talked.  It was just a relaxing night.  Who could ask for more? 

So I raise my glass to those of you in my past and present.  Whether we met at work, school, or some strange bar, I am lucky to have or have had you in my life.

No Beautiful Pictures; Just Words

Only so this doesn't turn into an eating blog, I want to make a list of all the awesomeness I've done since I moved to San Diego (in no particular order--just how they pop into my mind):

1. Went to a no-rae-bang
2. Took a day trip to Joshua Tree
3. Drove to Las Vegas (ohhhh, just a few times)
4. Ate In-N-Out (ok, Californians, it's good, but it's not all that).
5. Won a Halloween Contest (but I haven't taken part of the prize yet--Skydiving isn't something I'm ready to do RIGHT now.)
6. Won a Nirve bicycle (which I sold on craigslist, but I won it anyway)
7. Been to my first nude beach
8. Started a blog
9. Found a great job with great people
10. Have been able to bike to the library and the sushi restaurant
11. Almost made it through Six Feet Under
12. Have gotten a reputation for being a good baker (umm, for those who know me from before, it's a shock, I know)
13. Started practicing the keyboard again
14. Experienced "Wally World" (aka, Magic Mountain)
15. Tried Taiwanese ramen
16. Found a favorite wine
17. Drove East and laid out by the pool of a Days Inn
18. Made some great friends

Here are some things I want to do:

1. Go to Mexico
2. Go skydiving
3. Go back to Las Vegas (hee hee)
4. Go to Julien and eat a Julien pie
5. Visit Yosimite (and Big Sur)
6. Learn to surf or at least give it a try
7. Win another Halloween contest
8. Get my parents out here
9. Grow some herbs or some tomatoes or something

That covers it for now.  I'll try to get it done.

You Can Take the Girl Out of the South, But...

I went to Phil's BBQ in Point Loma this week.  And it is delicious, but again, I feel like I'm cheating.

In Owensboro, Kentucky, there's a little place called Moonlite BBQ.  It's a local treasure, and I have been a longtime lover.  Moonlite is buffet-style with BBQ beef, chicken, lamb, and pulled pork.  Well, for me two out of three ain't bad.  The rest of the buffet is also amazing: green beans, baked beans, creamed corn, regular corn, cornbread, biscuits, sweet potatoes, potato salad, french fries, fried tomatoes and cole slaw.  There is a salad bar, but who has time and space for SALAD?  It's a BUFFET, people!

And as always, you should have saved room for dessert.  Because if you didn't, you'll regret it the rest of the day.  Peanut Butter Pie!  Cherry Cobbler!  Everyday!  There are other desserts, but if you're in Kentucky, you have to eat cherry cobbler, and if you at Moonlite, you have to eat peanut butter pie.

Dessert is buffet, too!

How much could all of this delectable food cost?  Good questions: $12.99 Monday through Thursday at dinner, $16.49 on Friday and Saturday at dinner.

Moonlite BBQ isn't just another restaurant.  It's kind of special.  And if you made it through the beginning of this blog, then you may just be a dedicated enough reader to continue.  This place reminds me of my sister.  We love Cracker Barrel and we love Moonlite.  If I go to Moonlite when I'm home, you can bet my sister, J, is right next to me.

Up here in the city, feels like things are closing in.

The sunset's just my light bulb burning out.

I miss Kentucky and I miss my family.

All the sweetest winds, they blow across the south..."

--Ryan Adams, O My Sweet Carolina

Phil's BBQ
3750 Sports Arean Blvd.
92110
(Just follow the smell of sweet BBQ)


Moonlite BBQ
2840 West Parrish Avenue
Owensboro, KY 42301

Gimme One Reason

And here is one reason to love San Diego.  In January of this year, Z and I would race to Sunset Cliffs to get a good view of a beautiful sunset, but this one took me by surprise.

I had come home from a long, tiring, tedious, stressful day at work and decided to pass out in our comfy chair.  When I woke up, I decided to take Sophie out for a little walk.  And these beautiful colors are what I saw.

It has been a long time to post.  Since my birthday actually.  In another blog, on my one year anniversary in San Diego, I posted mine and Z's emails across the country.

Although it does feel like a year in some ways, it doesn't in others.  I got lost on my way to Fashion Valley mall a few weeks ago.  I drove to Mission Valley instead.  I still have to use GPS more often than I'd like to admit.  I haven't been to a Padres game or been on the USS Midway.

But it has been one year in the fact that I've met some pretty amazing people.  I realize now that as one gets older, it truly becomes more difficult to cultivate friendships.  Maybe it's a greater risk with higher gain or maybe we learn how to guard ourselves.  Regardless, it's been hard, but definitely worth it.

But I still fight becoming a Californian.

This sunset...may just change my mind.