Well, we're now a family of four. We can shop at Costco with our heads held high. If I win a "Family Pack of 4" anything off the radio, I can actually use it on my family. When it's buy one, get one free anywhere, Z and I will each have someone to share it with.
Sometimes I look back--not so much to reminisce--to see what's made me who I am today. I look through old emails and photos to remind myself that life could have been very different. I take minutes while driving to put myself in past situations and try to remember the smell and feel of a certain day or event. I don't want to lose my memories because I am who I am because of them.
C entered our lives on at the end of 2014. She is beautiful. Wonderful. Perfect. Our whole family has been sick so she has been quarantined with Gram-E. I miss my little girl so much. I want to just be able to hold her and not worry about the germs I could be breathing on her. She hasn't seen my face in almost two weeks as I have worn a face mask--Asian-style--whenever I'm around her.
O has reached full toddlerhood and is testing his limits and my patience. Last night he yelled and screamed for about 8 minutes (I would rather have ridden a bucking bull for 8 seconds!) about who knows what. He's licking everything from the doctor's room chair to the bottom of my shoe. I'm pretty sure he's going to remain Patient Zero for all of our household illness over the next several months.
In Chapter 1, I wanted to write about fully being a family of four. But I can't. We've been separated and sick for so long that I don't know what that looks like or feels like.
So in this alternate Chapter 1, I just want to say that I love my family very much. It's these challenges I could do without for now.
